gratitude from Pinterest...

This was floating around on facebook this weekend.  I think it originated on Pinterest but I don't know where... I don't know who gets the credit for this, I only know that I like it!

gratitude unlocks

the fullness of life

it turns what we have into 

enough and more!

it turns

denial into acceptance

chaos into clarity

problems into gifts

failures into success

the unexpected into perfect timing

and mistakes into important events

gratitude makes

sense of our past... brings peace

for today and creates a vision 

for tomorrow

Two years ago, I started following Ann... I started joining in on Multitude Monday.  I started counting gifts to change the way my heart saw things.  I took Ann's challenge to find 1000 gifts in the everyday and I was overwhelmed.  I thought that there would be NO WAY I would ever be able to count 1000 things for which I was grateful.  Instead, I was thrilled to find 100.  

I was wrong.  So wrong.  As my heart began to change, I discovered more and more gifts.  I've counted to 1000 a couple of times and I continue to count... because my heart needs to continue to change and I need to be more grateful.

~*~

On this rainy Monday morning, I'm sitting in a bowling alley with fifty jr/sr high students.  They're having a blast bowling for a fundraiser.  I watch my girl.  The one that won a year's tuition at this private school.  She's having a blast!  ... and my heart is full of gratitude to the one that provided this year for her.

...so my list continues....

...for gifts that include school

...for new friends

...for a day of fun with old friends

...for the privilege to help the ones who have helped her this year

...for a week with the one I love the most

...for all the stories from their trip to Guatemala

...for no more nights sleeping alone

...for the laughter and fun around me

...for the one who is still homeschooled

...for wisdom gifted as we continue to seek His face with their education

...for his new job

...for the thrill it gives him

...for the privilege to watch him grow up

...for this life that looks nothing like I imagined

...for the fact that it is so much better

...for dreams that are being fulfilled

...for rain

...for refreshment

...for the sound of storms in the middle of the night

...for the rain of His grace on my parched heart

...for His faithfulness in spite of my failures

...for the fact that His love is boundless and endless

grateful for Guatemala...

I miss her... this almost 13 year old of mine... and I miss then one she is with more.  I miss them with my whole heart... this heart of mine that is tied up in knots this week.  


I know that she will return on Sunday full of smiles and stories and joy.  She will tell me about surgeries she watched and patients she helped for pre-op or post-op.  She will tell me of her love of Guatemala and its people... and of her love for all things medicine.  She will return and I will hold on to her for a little while longer.


This picture... its the future of Emme.  There will be a day when she will go... and stay.  I am confident of this... for I know her heart.  I know that her heart was made to serve in this way.  My mother's brain knows this... my mother's heart ties up in a new knot... and I pray.


I pray much this week.  I think I pray for me more than for them.  I pray that somehow I will make it through.  I count the days (5 1/2 more...) as I lie awake at night.  Then I do what my heart is being conditioned to do... I count gifts.  


I give thanks.

I thank Him for Guatemala and for this opportunity.  

I thank Him that Guatemala has stolen her heart and his.  

I thank Him for what she will see and what she will do.  

I thank Him for His work... started last year at this time in an 11 year-old heart.  

I thank Him that she loves what she is doing this week.  

I thank Him for modern technology that I could even get this picture across the miles

and across a continent.

...because the honest answer is I wasn't grateful and I wasn't giving thanks last week.  I sent them off with a heart full of resentment.  I told him so.  I spewed venomous words in my anger.  He took those words with him when I dropped them off.  I brought the resentful heart home with me.

God's been working on the resentment.  He's showing me that gratitude is the cure for a good many things... discontentment, jealousy, pride, anger, self-righteousness... and resentment.  It's a lesson I hate learning, but one I need!

...so I look at this picture of this girl I love and I thank Him for Guatemala.

thoughts from Emmaus....

Then he said to them, "So thick-headed! So slow-hearted! 

Why can't you simply believe all that the prophets said? 

Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah 

had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?" Then he started at the beginning, with the Books of Moses, and went on through all the Prophets, pointing out everything in the Scriptures that referred to him.

Luke 24:25-27

I've read the account of the followers of Jesus on the road to Emmaus many times.  I thought I knew it... I really did.  Until yesterday.

Yesterday, Resurrection Sunday 2012, I realized that I could have easily been one of those travelers... we think along similar lines... we doubt.

On the very same day that Jesus defied death FOREVER and rose again, 

those followers of Him doubted...

we thought He was the One...

On the very same day that Peter saw the empty tomb, 

those followers of Him doubted...

it's been three days...

On the very same day that Jesus revealed Himself 

and His risen body to Mary in the garden, 

those followers of HIM doubted...

not our Jesus...

So often... I doubt.

On the very same day that a miracle happens,

I doubt...

it's just a coincidence...

On the very same day that I see something empty,

I doubt..

but I've prayed for 3 days.. or 5 days... or forever...

On the very same day that He shows Himself to me...

I doubt...

it couldn't be Him

Yesterday... on the very same day we celebrate a risen King... I doubted and then I heard Him...

So thick-headed

so slow-hearted!

I don't want to be like those followers of Him who walked to Emmaus in doubt and disbelief... I want to be like the women at the tomb who ran and told everyone HE IS RISEN!

Counting gifts again with the gratitude community at Ann's because one of the best ways to announce HE IS RISEN is to shout all the ways He shows Himself to me and to list all the ways He blesses...in gratitude there is no room for doubt.

~*~

... for the privilege to serve a risen King!

... for the freedom to worship 

... for the privilege to honor and celebrate Resurrection Sunday

... for early mornings and remembering the women who ran to the tomb


... for sunrises services
... and church brunches
... for worship
... and laughter with a church family


... for a friend filled week
... and friends who traveled to be with us
... for conversations that pick up where you leave off
... for great cousin time


... for sunrises
... and sunsets
... and friends who for a campfire that ends a great spring break


... for the opportunity to tell my story again
... for the Author who pens a story that brings Him glory


... for modern medicine
... for a long-time doctor who understands
... for another antibiotic


... for a Savior who reaches down in the middle of a church service to speak directly to this  slow-hearted, thick-headed follower.

gift... 5 minute Friday

...joining in with Lisa Jo and her 5 Minute Friday community, again... that place in the bloggy world where we write for five minutes flat on a one-word common topic.  We write because we are writers, not because we want to impress one another.  We write without correction, and then we read each other's thoughts... and I'm always impressed.   


Care to join in?  Today's word... gift.


GO


I write a lot about gifts.  I keep a list of my grace gifts, I blog about gifts... I even wrote a novel about gifts.  I love gifts.  


I'm learning, though, that I'm a bit of a gift snob.  I like the good gifts... no, actually LOVE the good gifts.  I pick and choose... I don't LOVE, in fact, I don't even LIKE the not so good gifts.   I whine and complain about those.  


They are gifts though... the gifts of heartache and shame that cause me to run to the Throne of Grace... the gifts of pain and discomfort that cause me to rely not on my strength, but on His... the gifts of disappointment and discouragement that remind me this world is not my home.


I started a list of gifts a few years ago.  For a long time, the list only consisted of the "good gifts" that I found in each new day.  Gifts such as... a beautiful sunrise, a flower from my girl, a word of thanks from the man-cub, a note on my bathroom mirror from the woman-child.  All good gifts, and my heart was thankful.


Somewhere over that time... He has taken my heart on a life field trip to see the good in all of it... to see that He is the Redeemer and He can take an achy heart and cause it to praise Him... to understand that it is He that makes beauty from ashes, and makes all things new.


I love gifts and listing gifts.  I love, even more, that my Savior isn't finished with me yet.  He's teaching me new things... He's teaching me to count it all on my list of gifts because He is my Redeemer.


STOP

when grace gestates...

But I have learned in my life

that grace often gestates, like an unborn child.

And when the expectant mother grabs the hospital-prepared

suitcase and screams, "Let's go!" then you'd better go.

All Is Grace

Brennan Manning

I love this!  What a beautiful word picture of the way Grace often floods my heart, soul, and life with grace.  It gestates and it comes NOW!

Life is disappointing... it's what I do with the disappointment that makes all the difference in the world.  Yesterday, I reverted to a 30 year old habit of dealing with disappointment... journaling.  Writing.  Recording in words the hurt, the confusion, the pain.  I wrote for myself and recorded it in cyberspace as a small sacrifice of praising in the storm.    I wrote, I confessed, I praised, and then I walked away... and grace came.

In those after moments of surrendering it all and letting go, Grace came and expanded in that vacant space like a billowing endless cloud.  Every tiny crevice of my scarred soul was emptied of me and my disappointments and filled with Grace.  A day of endless gifts...

... a slow morning to work through my heart issues

... a new book, by an old man, to lead me in this search that All Is Grace

... a phone call and laughter filled with 25 years of friendship

... a new prayer journal and a grace filled lunch with my kindred spirit

... a peace that flooded every moment

... joy 

... loose jeans

... heart rest from battling a war that was already won

... a great morning of catching up on some math work with a happy heart

... good occupational therapy time for Eric

... the chance to pick up 16 pizzas and 90+ popsicles and feed the children at the youth club

... 40 minutes, by myself, in the waning sunlight to work on a new campfire pit

I wonder how many times Grace is waiting... wanting to gestate... wanting to birth out of me the wonder of new grace and I am the one who forbids it.  My white-knuckled grip to my self-righteousness doesn't leave room for grace to gestate.  Instead of surrendering to the birth moment, I push it away and helplessly cling to the poison that fills my heart.  

... today I am, again, grateful for Grace and the grace that gestates like an unborn baby.  Thank you, Brennan Manning, for these words in the twilight of your life.

~*~

linking up today with...

when a "no, thank you" changes everything

"But, God, this is HUGE..."

"But, God, what will they think?"

"But, God, I'm only a mom from Indiana..."

"Obey"

This is the true-life struggle my heart faced over the past 2 weeks.  Suffice it to say, there was a lot of "...but, God..." going on in this heart of mine.  

My God was calling me to seriously step out of my comfort zone... like, step-into-the-Jordan-River-and-watch-Me-work... type of stepping out.   The classic self-will vs. obedience battle raged fierce and hot in my heart.  I'm not a daring type of girl.

Finally, I surrendered (isn't that what life is all about, anyway?).  Sunday, I obeyed.  I sent an email (yes... this battle was over a simple email) and put myself out there.  I asked for a huge thing.  

Guess what?

Nothing changed.  I did receive a very pleasant "no, thank you" reply.   Actually, it was the nicest, kindest, most gracious negative response EVER.   Still... nothing changed.

My today looks just like my Sunday did.... just like my last Friday did.  Book sales are stagnant, my house looks like a perpetual whirlwind, and there is STILL laundry on the floor of the laundry room (I thought I did laundry all day yesterday...).   My life today looks the same....

... but...

... my heart doesn't.  I realized last night that though on the outside everything appears the same, the inside is radically different.  Obedience and stepping out in faith has changed my heart... my attitude... my outlook for the future.

I feel, as though, God has parted the Jordan River of my heart and has shown me... again... that His way is good and kind and gracious.... that He loves me and has a plan for me... my role is to be one of simple obedience...

...nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

Which means, I need to stop saying "but, God..." and instead say, "Yes, God!"

the complexity of it all..

Is obeying God complex or have I made it that way?

I've struggled this week... well, I struggle every week, but particularly this week on this particular issue... the complexity of Lent.

I haven't grown up with Lent, but the good girl in me wants to be sure I don't miss out on something I'm supposed to do.

So... I've prayed this week and, in my pathetic way, offered many things up to God...

Do You want my sugar?

You can certainly have it, I've been trying

to give it up anyway...

it would be great to lose some more weight.

Do You want my blog?

I guess I could go 40 days without writing

Really...

I think I will give You anything...

if it would mean I would be doing something right.

So too, at the present time 

there is a remnant chosen by grace.  

And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; 

if it were, grace would no longer be grace

Romans 11:5-6

The complexity, for me, comes in the comparison.  I watch others... I see God call them to something and I immediately assume they are more Spiritual than I...

...but, God,

You've called others to give up

to sacrifice for this season...

don't You NEED 

me to do this too?

Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
   as much as in obeying the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
   and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

1 Samuel 15:22

His commands are simple.  It is me who makes it complex when I compare myself to others... striving to earn His favor.  I do this not because I want to lay down my idols, but because I want to be as good as others.  

Grace... it's a foreign concept to my sinful heart.  At the very core of its definition is the complexity that I can do NOTHING to earn it.  NOTHING...

...so, God..

does this mean that for this Lent season,

You would rather have my obedience

in responding in love to 

others rather than anger?

You would rather have 

my seek Your face

than offer you my sugar jar?

And what does the LORD require of you?
To act justly and to love mercy
   and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

My God is big enough to call some to the obedience of offering a sacrifice during the 40 days of Lent and call me to seek Him rather than sacrifice.  I'm the one who makes it much more complex than it needs to be. 

post Valentine gift for you...

This is what being intentional looked like yesterday... intentionally saying I love you fourteen different ways.

Amazingly, the thought came to me while I was writing yesterday's post.  My initial heart response was..."I don't have the time for that!" ... why?!?  Why is that ALWAYS my first heart response.  


Reality?  Writing four lists took me about 20 minutes... not much time to invest in these I love.

Sometimes I wonder if the surprises are from him... or are they from HIM in disguise?   Just when I write my heart and essentially swear off the materialism of Valentine's Day... he comes home with these... and I smile and say thank you and thank YOU for grace and mercy, and for HIM putting me in my place.


Today, I marvel much over grace gifts... the many gifts that come my way day in and day out.  The many answers to spoken and unspoken prayer. Most specifically, the answers to the prayer of the Mom's heart that says... give me mercy, give me grace, help me endure the days he's home recovering.

Instead of endure... I have enjoyed!  Gifts of sweet time and sweeter conversations.  A few moments to sit by and immerse myself in this moment before it's gone.   All too soon, he will be back in the adventure of life and we will be running here and there.  Soon, too, he will be off on his own life adventure.   So... I sit and I soak it in... this time with the one I can hardly call man-cub anymore.


...and, I offer you this gift...

... just $.99 at Amazon or Smashwords.  

...happy belated LOVE day!

worship...

often this is worship to me...

time marveling in and at His creation,

His faithfulness and grace,

His mighty right hand...

all done within

my heart

often this is worship to me...

time in His Word,

His love letter

 a story of sin, death and redemption

stained with the blood of His Son...

written to me

often this is worship to me...

these three entrusted to their dad and I

for only a short time, a blip on the radar...

a time to teach and admonish

and worship the Creator

not the created

often this is worship to me...

time alone

when "Peace, be still"

is said to the storm raging within...

quiet and still before the Throne

this is my favorite way to worship...
hearts that come together to join
in corporate prayer...
for He Himself promised
where 2 or 3 are gathered in His name
He is there

though I love this little one,

the daughter of a friend,

raising hands and singing

is rarely worship to me...

those who sing and dance

and make music unto the LORD

find it hard to understand

...to me, worship is 

peace... quiet...

my heart still before the Throne of Grace

and the One who sits upon it

my heart joyful

my soul glad

often this is worship to me...

the Body of Christ 

gathered together in the shadow of the Cross

each exercising the gifts and abilities

the Father has bestowed upon them...

in love

boundaries, grace giving and denying myself...

Years ago, while standing in her barn watching my kids' riding lesson, I was given words of great wisdom from my friend, Candy.... "you need to develop some boundaries!  Have you read Townsend and Cloud's book?"


I think that conversation took place 6 or 7 years ago and I still haven't read Townsend and Cloud's book.  Well, at least not the original.  I'm currently working my way through Boundaries with Kids and Boundaries for Teens.  And, I still need to work on developing good boundaries for myself.


I'm one of those individuals, that for whatever reason, needs a wide span of personal space... both physically and emotionally.  I'm not big on standing close, touching or hugging nor I am thrilled with people who find me to be their only friend and want to be together 24/7.   For some people, this is as foreign to them as if I were green with pink polka dots and I find myself avoiding these types of people because it's easier than explaining myself to them over and over again.  The flip side, though, is that I enjoy being around people and have been blessed abundantly with incredible friendships.  Thus, my personal space issue is a hard one to regulate....


The question I've posed to the LORD lately is this... is there a way that personal boundaries (both physical and emotional) can coexist with grace giving?  In other words, can I be a grace giver without sacrificing my need for physical and emotional space? 

Then Jesus said to his disciples, 

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must 

deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 

For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, 

but whoever loses their life for me will find it."

Matthew 16:24-15

When it's all said and done, it's the "deny yourself" part that I struggle with the most....

on being a grace giver

She's known as an incredible woman in a diminutive body.  She seemed ageless... tireless... 


Of course, I didn't really KNOW her... just knew of her.  Saw her picture occasionally.  Read stories about her.  Saw highlights of her life on the evening news... a tiny woman caring for the poor in Calcutta, India.


Referred to as Blessed Teresa of Calcutta by Catholics and known as Mother Teresa to most of the world, she was a grace giver... giving grace to those who had nothing left to give.


Several years ago, my sisters went together and bought me a beautiful wall plaque for Christmas.  It hangs on my living room wall. Often I over look it. Other times I ponder the words inscribed.  I quote this often and live it seldom.  Regardless, I want to be this kind of grace giver... 


... because giving grace is really about my relationship with Grace anyway.

People are often unreasonable and self-centered.

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives.

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you.

Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous.

Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow.

Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough.

Give your best anyway.

For in the end, it is between you and God.

It never was between you and them anyway.

~Mother Teresa

Giving thanks...

Giving thanks... seeking out the gifts of grace when sickness plagues and my body is weary.

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, 

and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls. 

For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  

Matthew 11:28-30

My list with the gratitude community at Ann's continues on this Multitude Monday...


... a few days of sunshine
... warm air
... the flowers that the April showers have brought
... family fun in the evening light
... family bike ride to see new friends


... a personal nurse
... a man who takes over when I'm down for the count
... a doctor who sees me on short notice
... a strong body
... blessed sleep


... health because I'm seldom grateful for it until I don't have it
... quality insurance
... healthy children
... limited medical bills
... the funds to pay for medical help


... a God who sees and who knows
... a friend in CA editing a Bible study for me
... peace and joy in the journey
... gifts of grace
... learning to be a grace giver