the {heart} of an athlete

I'm not an athlete.  I wasn't born with an athlete's heart.  The kind of heart that deeply desires to be on a team... to compete... to fight through pain.  I wasn't born that way, instead I bore one... a boy with the heart of an athlete.

I'm convinced, now more than ever, that you are either born with the heart of an athlete or you are not.  I think it is intrinsic... not learned.  

I've watched the "greats"... Michael Jordan, Pete Rose, Bret Favre... these who were the best-of-the-best in their day seemingly not know what to do with themselves when their bodies were no longer able to compete at a high level of competition.  I've watched them try come-backs and fail.   I've seen the aged veterans resent the young upstarts.   I've judged them harshly.   I judged that which I did not understand.

I've watched and judged these, and others, not understanding that within them beats the heart of an athlete.  An athlete's heart continues to thump long after their body gives up.

I've seen this one {the one running in the black sweat pants} run and push himself to be faster, better... for the sake of the team.  It's not that he likes to run, because he really hates it.  Instead, he runs because he loves the competition.  I've seen him cheer on his teammates because he loves being on the team.   I've seen him play through pain because it's better than standing on the sidelines.

I don't always understand the heart of this one that I bore fifteen years ago.  I pray often for it, though.  I pray that he will use this athletic heart that God has given Him to give all glory to God.  I pray that his heart will choose good and not evil.  I pray that his heart will always follow God's will.  And, I pray, mostly, that he will allow God to use this time to mold and shape him into a man after God's own heart.

...because right now the heart of my athlete is very restless. 

surrendering the mess... day 19

The Messiah takes our mess

and turns it into a message of hope.

~Lysa TerKeurst

A mess can be a message?  Of hope?!  My mess?? ... only when I surrender it to His care.

I am really good at messes.  Good enough, in fact, some may call it a gift.  I make messes out of just about anything, at any time, anywhere.   Only, it's not a gift.   It's messy... slimy... grimy.

I have messes in my life that I hope no one ever sees.  I hope those who have seen have long forgotten.  I live with the fear that someone, some day will uncover the messes and have a party with the mess... the slime.. the grime... all at my expense.

When Lysa walked on that stage last weekend in Fort Wayne and said these very words, I took hope.  Hope in a Savior, my Messiah, who can take a mess and make a message of hope to others.  I sat and listened to a woman who has completely surrendered her mess to her Messiah and has a message of Hope.  I watched, with leaky eyes, as woman after woman responded to her invitation to surrender to the Messiah.  

Lysa's mess didn't look messy... slimy... grimy to me.  I saw hope... love... joy.  I want that hope... that love... that joy in my life.  Rather than live in fear that someone will uncover my messes, I need to let Someone heal my messes.


Will I let my mess define me or refine me?

I need to surrender my mess to my Messiah and let Him turn it into a message of hope.

hope and surrender... day 17

Sitting in a large conference room with 3,000 other women worshipping God is an amazing experience.  Lifting hands in song and praise... praying and listening... learning and gleaning from those wiser than I... sitting between my mom and my sister, this is how I spent my weekend at Extraordinary Women.

And, I heard it all through the filter of my desire to learn to live a surrendered life.  

Do you not know? 

   Have you not heard? 

The LORD is the everlasting God, 

   the Creator of the ends of the earth. 

He will not grow tired or weary, 

   and his understanding no one can fathom. 

 He gives strength to the weary 

   and increases the power of the weak. 

 Even youths grow tired and weary, 

   and young men stumble and fall; 

 but those who hope in the LORD 

   will renew their strength. 

They will soar on wings like eagles; 

   they will run and not grow weary, 

   they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Everlasting hope... a key to surrender.  


As Mama T (aka Theresa Wells) said, "Hope is knowing in your knower that some day God will do what He says He will do."  


I am choosing to surrender to the everlasting hope of the Everlasting One.

its time...

written in the back of my Bible...

6/2/02  I must tell how good He has been to us!

I will give You thanks in the great congregation;

I will praise You among a mighty throng

Psalm 35:18

Even  then, June 2002, I knew that I was given the experience of our stillborn son, Matthew, to tell of God's goodness.  

Now, nine years later, I know it is time to tell the story.

I have a story to tell of God's faithfulness in heartache and His faithfulness in hope.  A story of hope and healing through miscarriage and stillbirth.  I am writing the story.  I am telling the story.  I lived the story.

I am praying for opportunities to speak to MOPS groups, women's fellowship circles, crisis pregnancy centers, and grief recovery groups.  If you know of a group that would like to hear this story, please let me know.

O Lord, open my lips,

That my mouth may declare Your praise.

Psalm 51:15