the {heart} of an athlete

I'm not an athlete.  I wasn't born with an athlete's heart.  The kind of heart that deeply desires to be on a team... to compete... to fight through pain.  I wasn't born that way, instead I bore one... a boy with the heart of an athlete.

I'm convinced, now more than ever, that you are either born with the heart of an athlete or you are not.  I think it is intrinsic... not learned.  

I've watched the "greats"... Michael Jordan, Pete Rose, Bret Favre... these who were the best-of-the-best in their day seemingly not know what to do with themselves when their bodies were no longer able to compete at a high level of competition.  I've watched them try come-backs and fail.   I've seen the aged veterans resent the young upstarts.   I've judged them harshly.   I judged that which I did not understand.

I've watched and judged these, and others, not understanding that within them beats the heart of an athlete.  An athlete's heart continues to thump long after their body gives up.

I've seen this one {the one running in the black sweat pants} run and push himself to be faster, better... for the sake of the team.  It's not that he likes to run, because he really hates it.  Instead, he runs because he loves the competition.  I've seen him cheer on his teammates because he loves being on the team.   I've seen him play through pain because it's better than standing on the sidelines.

I don't always understand the heart of this one that I bore fifteen years ago.  I pray often for it, though.  I pray that he will use this athletic heart that God has given Him to give all glory to God.  I pray that his heart will choose good and not evil.  I pray that his heart will always follow God's will.  And, I pray, mostly, that he will allow God to use this time to mold and shape him into a man after God's own heart.

...because right now the heart of my athlete is very restless. 

the way He answers...

I know I just posted... but had to share the way He answers.  Why do I stand amazed time after time?  I don't know.  He does this to me all.the.time and I still question Him.  


This... on the .8 mile trek to get Emme from school... this is how He answers...

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

Blessings

Laura Story

...a song on the radio... a song Emme knows all the lyrics to and sang all the way home.

He gives me a song to hear my child sing and He reminds me of two different conversations in the past few months... two friends both cancer survivors both say "I am so thankful for the journey.  I wouldn't trade it.  It was a blessing.  He taught me much of Himself and I am so grateful."

...so my restless heart struggles with cancer and two friends; and yet, who am I to pray them out of this?  Perhaps this is their greatest blessing.

restless...

I'm a restless mess...

I hesitate to post this... sometimes it seems like my tweets, status updates or posts are misunderstood.  Not all the time... but a lot... but, since I'm a restless mess, I might as well write about it.


I'm restless.  I hate waiting.  I don't wait well.  I don't even sit still when I'm not waiting for something... thus, when I find myself waiting I become a restless mess.  I haven't worn a hole in my floor pacing, nor have I cleaned my entire house {although, that would be a great idea}.  Instead, I've sat for a couple of hours wondering and waiting.


Today I pray for two friends.  I pray without words.  I feel as though my heart is at odds with my mind.  I want God's perfect will done... my way.  I know it doesn't work that way...it's just what I want in this moment.


I find my heart restless for them... restless for answers and next steps.  Restless for peace and joy when I have none to share.  Restless for my Jesus to just come restore His Kingdom.


... and, I'm thinking I will probably be a restless mess until He does just that.

thanks LORD

Dear LORD,


Thank You!  I often complain about the weather, my circumstances, others or even You, LORD.  I'm sorry.  I hate that I do the same things over and over and over again.


This morning is stunning, Jehovah!  Thank You for this gift... these gifts.  Thank You for Your creation... for the sunrise that nudges me out of bed... for the songs that the birds sing... for the cool breeze that blows in open windows.  Thank You for a sweet dog at my feet and for a warm vanilla latte in my hands.  Thank You for senses... the ability to see, hear, touch, taste and smell all of these gifts and more this morning.  


Thank You for the prayers of friends and family yesterday.  I don't often realize the ways that You love me through others.  Open my heart to see You more in the people You have put around me.


Thank You for mercies that are new every morning and stirring my heart this morning to You.  I want to love You more, serve You more, know You more.  You alone are God and I am in awe of You!  


In Jesus' name
amen

gratitude day 3... waiting

I'm only three days in to Brenda's gratitude challenge for the month of November... but I have to say... I'm loving this challenge!  A BIG shout-out to Brenda for hosting this blog meme!  I've been challenged to develop an attitude of gratitude in so many areas of my life.

We wait in hope for the LORD;

He is our help and our shield.

Psalm 33:20

Today, I am truly grateful for waiting on the LORD.  Honestly, this is a new lesson learned for me and I haven't mastered it yet in any sense of the word.  I've always associated waiting as another form of torture... the longer the wait, the longer the agony and the more I would run around acting as if I were doing something to help the situation.  

Slowly, I'm learning that waiting is not necessarily torture.  In fact, I'm finding some peace and joy in the journey of waiting (who knew?).  He is faithful teaching me that waiting can be...

...peaceful as I recognize my need to acknowledge that He has EVERYTHING under control.  

...restful as I remove my desire to try to fix the situation... and, instead, trust in One big enough to create the universe and beyond

...joyful as I realize that I am neither frustrated nor tired at the situation... but, instead, I am praying more, trusting more and hoping more which makes me a much better person to be around.

So, today, I am very grateful for waiting and for the lessons it teaches my heart and changes my life.

I am equally grateful to all who have upheld Chad and I in prayer.  Chad had his annual heart CT yesterday and no one freaked out and prohibited him from getting up and walking out.  However, that is all we know.  We are in the waiting stage.  Chad has his annual appointment with the cardio-thoractic surgeon next week and we will then be told what the CT showed as far as his aneurysm.   

I believe from the bottom of my heart that the peace and joy in the journey and the willingness of my heart to learn the lesson of waiting is because of the prayers that have been offered up on our behalf.  Thank you!!

this Tuesday unwrapped...

Small gifts He has let me unwrap today...

~an early morning text full of prayers and love from those we love

~prayer over the phone with my kindred spirit this morning

~comments full of love and prayers from those I have yet to meet face to face

~prayers lifted on behalf of my beloved

~snuggling in with the 7 year old as she read to me just minutes after I prayed on her behalf (I honestly prayed because I didn't know how to teach her to read)

~sweet prayer with my kids this morning

~a quiet morning of school (this really reads... NO COMPLAINING!)

~a heart full of an attitude of gratitude

~peace and joy in my journey today

I discovered Emily's Tuesday Unwrapped this morning and couldn't help but join in on a day that He is showering me with small gifts.

Gratitude on November 2...praying friends and severe mercy

Joining in again with Brenda for a month of gratitude all throughout the month of November.


Today I can't decide on one thing to be most grateful for... instead I have two.  Today is Chad's annual heart CT and I am so grateful for praying family and friends and God's severe mercy.  Two and half years ago, we learned that my man is walking around with an ascending aortic aneurysm that needs to be monitored annually... and today is the day for the new pictures of Chad's heart.


This journey has been a very difficult one for me.  I don't "wait and see" very well.  In fact, if I don't surrender my thoughts to the One who holds Chad in His very hands, I can easily find myself panicking... "what if...".  Some days are good surrender days and others... well, not so much.  Though it has been difficult, I can honestly say it has been good... a gift to me of God's severe mercy.  His mercy that carries Chad and I through.


I'm also learning to ask for prayer for myself... for peace and joy in this journey.  It's hard to ask.  I do things like ugly cries when I ask.  In fact, Sunday morning I raised my hand to ask for prayer for today and before I got the words out the ugly cry started.  All I could say was "Please pray for Chad on Tuesday... it's time to take pictures of his heart again."  There are those in our church who have been praying about this for as long as we have.  They know all about it but there are others who don't know about Chad's anomaly.  I'm sure they were really concerned about why Chad was having a photo session with his heart but I didn't have it in me to pull myself together to clarify.

Today, I woke to a text on my phone from friends reminding me that they are praying today... and I am grateful for them, their prayers and my God's severe mercy in our lives.

...thank You LORD for that reminder this morning.  

Thank You for Your severe mercy often shown to me 

through family and friends who love us, pray for us and encourage us!

sweet hour of prayer...

What is it about the corporate prayer times with like-minded people that make them so special?


...is it the sweet fragrance of Christian love?


...is it the joining of hearts, minds and hands upholding loved ones before the Throne of Grace?


...is it the soft whisper of the Holy Spirit's presence in the midst?


...is it the feel of salty tears mingling at His feet?


...is it the taste of joy deep in the hearts of those who feel unworthy to approach the Great Physician on the behalf of a loved sister?


... is it the sight of heads bowed and knees bent?

... or is it all of the above...

... and so much more that merge into a sweet, sweet hour of precious prayer.