when a "no, thank you" changes everything

"But, God, this is HUGE..."

"But, God, what will they think?"

"But, God, I'm only a mom from Indiana..."

"Obey"

This is the true-life struggle my heart faced over the past 2 weeks.  Suffice it to say, there was a lot of "...but, God..." going on in this heart of mine.  

My God was calling me to seriously step out of my comfort zone... like, step-into-the-Jordan-River-and-watch-Me-work... type of stepping out.   The classic self-will vs. obedience battle raged fierce and hot in my heart.  I'm not a daring type of girl.

Finally, I surrendered (isn't that what life is all about, anyway?).  Sunday, I obeyed.  I sent an email (yes... this battle was over a simple email) and put myself out there.  I asked for a huge thing.  

Guess what?

Nothing changed.  I did receive a very pleasant "no, thank you" reply.   Actually, it was the nicest, kindest, most gracious negative response EVER.   Still... nothing changed.

My today looks just like my Sunday did.... just like my last Friday did.  Book sales are stagnant, my house looks like a perpetual whirlwind, and there is STILL laundry on the floor of the laundry room (I thought I did laundry all day yesterday...).   My life today looks the same....

... but...

... my heart doesn't.  I realized last night that though on the outside everything appears the same, the inside is radically different.  Obedience and stepping out in faith has changed my heart... my attitude... my outlook for the future.

I feel, as though, God has parted the Jordan River of my heart and has shown me... again... that His way is good and kind and gracious.... that He loves me and has a plan for me... my role is to be one of simple obedience...

...nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

Which means, I need to stop saying "but, God..." and instead say, "Yes, God!"

immobilized...

I've been fighting a migraine for about 30 hours now.  For half of that time, I was immobilized... under the covers in the cold room with no light, no sound... sleeping.  


Why do I tell you this four days before Christmas?  I'm not looking for your sympathy... honestly, I get so few migraines anymore that I really don't want to complain.  Instead, I'm sitting here in the quiet and dark of my house marveling in His glory.


See... sometimes He has to remove me... immobilize me... lest I think anything I do is for my glory.  I imagine Him on his heavenly throne removing me from a situation or location so that He can do His good work.  I think I tend to get in the way.  


All of the hard work last week cleaning, sorting and pricing toys culminates this week.  We do that HUGE toy sale (we had over 13,000 toys for sale) so that money can be raised to buy brand new toys to pass out to families who are struggling this Christmas season.  We pass out the toys so that we can tell them about the One who came to be man to die for their sins and ours.  We work hard for 8 days so that we can spend 2 days giving toys and Jesus.


Sometimes I tend to think He needs me to do this.  People say things like "You're so good to do this" or "Bless you for doing this".  It tends to go to my head.  I tend to think  more highly of myself than I ought. 


Have no fear, though.  He knows exactly how to deal with the likes of me.  He immobilizes me. 


I have only been there for about an hour today.  The migraine is winning and I left my children to do His good work and I came back home to the dark and quiet.  He doesn't need me to get in the way today.  


At the last count I heard, 1818 local children have received new toys this Christmas season and their parents or grandparents have heard the name of Jesus Christ. 


I've been immobilized and I am confident it is not a coincidence. It is all for His glory!