carnival rides...

This summer, I told my mom about a distinct memory I have from either late elementary school or early jr high.  The really funny thing, is that my mom does not remember any of this.  So, either my mind is play tricks on me or I just wasn't with my parents when this happened.  I'm hoping it was the later.


My memory goes like this, one warm summer night, our little town had a carnival set up in the empty lot behind and next to the VFW Hall.  Cotton candy, elephant ears, slushies, corn dogs and rides.  All the right carnival things needed for a fun night.


I do remember running around with a friend enjoying all the treats this little carnival had to offer.  After we had filled our bellies, we decided to do a few rides... uh, not such a good idea.


We couldn't wait to ride the swings... you know, those carnival ones that lift you off the ground and the wind blows through your hair.  The same swings that go around... and around... and around..... 


We were the only two on the ride and about 60 seconds into the ride, I said "please stop this ride."  Well, with the wind and the loud sounds of the carnival, no one heard me.  So, I yelled "PLEASE STOP THIS RIDE!!!"  


The carnie worker was none too impressed when he pulled the lever to stop the ride and I stepped down from the swing and promply threw up all over the ground right in front of his shoes.  Yeah, cotton candy, slushie, corn dog... all that stuff that makes for a good carnival time. I have never forgotten the look on that poor man's face.


I've told this story to the kids and Chad every year at the fair.  And, every year, they laugh at their Mom's weak stomach.  It makes for a good story.


Lately, I've felt like the 11 year old Heidi saying "please stop this ride" and no one hears me.  I'm afraid I may have to start yelling soon to be heard over the sound of school, practice, games, life, etc.  I just hope I don't throw up when the ride stops.


Just like I chose to be on that ride years ago, I have put myself on this current ride.  Thankfully, the sports seasons end in 5 weeks.  Thankfully it is apple, pumpkin, colored leaf time... my favorite time of year.  Thankfully, God's grace is sufficient... for when I am weak, He is strong.


Last night, my dad gently reminded me that just because this ride is coming to an end, doesn't mean that another ride won't start.  He's right.  This ride called life, marriage, parenting, ministry is a wild ride.  It's always moving, shaking, swinging.


Truly, I don't want to get off the ride.  However, I wouldn't mind if the ride stopped for just a little while so that I can catch my breath... and clean up anything that might have landed on the carnie's shoes.

Walk It... Talk It... gratitude

On a beautiful Saturday in August,

at a equally beautiful park in town

74 children, ages 1-18,

representing 5 different churches

came together to learn

how to tell their friends about Jesus

6 hours of lessons, snacks,

games, lunch and treats

 and a staff of 19, including 3 Lovely Lunch Ladies,

working as likeminded friends

equipping these 74 children

to Walk It and Talk It

at school.

adding to my gratitude list...

~a beautiful day

~safety

~friends bringing friends

~enough t-shirts and bands for all

~a yummy lunch of Walking Tacos, cookies and watermelon

~a servant who brought coffee and homemade scones for the staff

~a full staff

~the freedom to coordinate without teaching

~teachers who love to teach

~friends who volunteer

~surprises

~answered prayer

~a great first week of school for Emme

~football game playing time for Eric

~snuggling under a blanket reading Farmer Boy with Ellen

celebrating a life...

**I must say... today was one of those days I really wish I had a camera... remember the phone incident?  I have a phone again... I can call... I can text... I just don't have a good camera anymore.  Anyway....

We have been incredibly blessed with a couple in our lives who are amazing.  They have welcomed us into their home... they have sat with our kids and sent us on dates... they have built into the lives of all five of us.  We've double-dated with them... worshipped with them... and gone camping with them.   They have encouraged us... prayed for us... and have never forgotten our birthdays.


Today we celebrated his birthday... celebrated 90 years of his life.  Yes, our dear friend, Don, turned 90 years old today.  This is where I wish I had pictures of his birthday party this afternoon... I promise you that you would never guess that he was born March 6, 1921.  He still plays dodgeball with my kids!!


Don flew P-41s and P-50s at the end of WW2.  He found himself in Iwo Jima on his 21st birthday.  It was in Iwo Jima that his mother's prayers were answered and he found Jesus Christ.  He's never looked back.  Instead, he's become a life-long student of God's Word.  He knows the Word better than anyone I've ever had the opportunity to meet.


I've been privileged to know Don, and his wife, Terry, for only 5 years but in those five years, I have been blessed beyond measure... blessed because this incredible man of God prays for me... for my man... for our kids.  He prays often for us and he encourages me much in my ministry with the children at church.  


Today we celebrated the life of Don... and I was reminded anew of how blessed we are to know and love him.

tied with a bow of kindness...

"Apparently, I homeschool my kids but can't count well," Nikki giggled while gracefully reaching for 2 more place mats.  My dear friend's contagious smile and peaceful countenance revealed that she wasn't the least bit rattled.  Her peace put us, her guests, at ease.   


Standing in a circle in her kitchen, ten of us clasped hands and bowed heads and hearts to thank the One who has provided rich blessings for us all.  And, a four-hour meal of love, grace, peace and joy surrounded by candles, mini pumpkins, delicious food and deep friendships began with grace and was brought to a close by another time of heads bowed and hands held in corporate prayer.  


Driving home, last night, my heart was full... full of the love, grace, peace and joy that my soul indulged around Nikki's beautifully set table.  And, today, my heart is still bulging from the feast.


I think my deep gratitude for our meal last night comes from knowing how hard she worked to get all 1o of us together.  Nikki is our pastor's wife and she scheduled and rescheduled and rescheduled yet again a time that the elders and wives of our congregation could come together to reconnect... to strengthen bonds... to be united in prayer.


Last night was a gift wrapped in service and tied with a bow of kindness... a gift from Nikki to those of us who love her and are deeply grateful.


**linking with Brenda's Gratitude Challenge and Emily's Tuesdays Unwrapped

Gratitude challenge day 7... ministry...

Even though it's after 10 p.m. and I'm whipped, I wanted to post my gratitude today for Brenda's gratitude challenge.  


At the end of a very busy day, I am grateful for ministry.  Often I feel overwhelmed and under talented to do what God calls me to do.  I've been known to burn out easily, get sidetracked even more easily and complain most easily.  I've failed more often than I've ever succeeded.  And... yet... He uses me and He uses me, first and foremost, to change me... anything after that is His bonus.


I am so grateful that He has chosen to use me and I want to be usable.  When I am willing to be used by the King of Kings, I benefit.  I change because He changes me to usable to Him.


Ministry looks different day to day and season to season in my life.  I'm thankful for each way He has allowed me the privilege to be involved in Kingdom work!

What if I don't like it?... part 2

Every other Monday has a standing prayer date for me. The wives of the elders of our church get together for a time of prayer and encouragement. God used our prayer time today to reveal to me more of my own selfish tendencies, self-seeking desires, and foolish pride.

I'm realizing that there is more to my blog post earlier today. My dissatisfaction is deeper than just looking for ministry outside of being Chad's wife and the 3 E's mom. Some of my struggle comes from ministry at church and my personal dissatisfaction with it. Let me explain....

For reasons not completely known to me, I have found myself in a prominent position at church. Chad and I are deeply involved in our little body of believers. I love my church. I love the people in my church. I love the children of our church. I love it all and I love deeply. Therein lies my problem. It is because I love deeply that I am also hurt deeply. Let me explain....

In the past few months, it seems like everyone has been upset with me about something. Most of it is ridiculous, some of it is valid. It seems like I either do too much or do too little. Even today, my friend and prayer partner, Nikki, was laughing out loud at the absurdity of it while she was praying for me.

It would do no good to list all of the "offenses". I am not a weepy woman, and yet, I have cried many bitter tears over the past 6 months or so. Out of hurt and fear, I have avoided some people because I only seem to upset them. I've missed many Sunday services because of either my own illness or one of the children's... some Sundays it was a relief to be able to stay home with a "good excuse." Suffice it to say, I wanted God to "rescue" me!

In wanting God to rescue me, I allowed my own selfish tendencies to envision what He might have for me. My own self-seeking desires wanted God to pluck me out of my ministries at church and place me in an IMPORTANT position. My foolish pride wanted to be able to say, "I'm sorry, I can't help you with that. I have to do... it's very important!"

Through the ministry of my fellow elder wives today, I've come to the conclusion it doesn't matter if there are days I don't like it. Only God, in His sovereign wisdom, knows why He has placed me where He has. I don't have to always like it, I just have to obey. I must stop searching for something else and do what He has called me to do... nothing more, nothing less, nothing else... whether I always like it or not.

What if I don't like it?

Last week I blogged about feeling an intense anticipation of God's leading in my life. Honestly, I was excited about the prospect of what it could be. I thought I couldn't wait to see what He had for me around the next bend.

Hmmm.... I'm such a romantic! Of course, I only thought God could be calling me to do something I wanted to do, something different... something exciting... something worthwhile. I only allowed thoughts of a new ministry, path, etc. I caught myself daydreaming of what incredible thing or things God could be calling me to do.

Guess what? I never once thought that God could be calling me to embrace my life as it is right now. I didn't think that He might ask me to recommit to our children's program at church or to begin anew writing children's Bible studies and Sunday School curriculum. I didn't want to think that the anticipation of feeling Him move in my heart would be because I needed a jolt to re-embrace homeschooling or a kick in the pants to rediscover joy in my marriage. I wouldn't allow myself to think that He was calling me to continue the path on which He has placed me. I didn't want to think that I was STILL called to those things. I wanted to move on.

The naked truth is that I'm bored with my life as it is. It's full. Actually, way too full and yet I'm still looking for contentment outside of my own heart. I'm trying to find new ways to feel good about myself or about what I'm doing. I'm looking for impressive ministries. I want people to notice me. I want to feel important.

Why do I do this to myself? Why do I seek for other's accolades instead of seeking to glorify my Creator? Why do I think that the grass will be greener if I move on to another pasture? Haven't I learned that all pastures have both sunshine and thistles? Why isn't the life God has called me to do enough for me?

I really think the stirring I felt and continue to feel is a recharge for my battery. I think the Spirit is graciously showing me that He wants me to be excited and energetic right where I am. My head knows there is no greater ministry than to be a loving wife to Chad and a loving mother to Eric, Emily and Ellen. My heart needs to get over itself and embrace this ministry.

I need not look any further than that for a worthwhile ministry...even if I think I don't like it... I know it is what I am called to do.

anticipation...is making me wait...

Anticipation. It's there. I don't know exactly why... but it's there. So, I wait.

I love the way the Holy Spirit works in me. Often He guides my steps without me really knowing it until I look back and see in hindsight that the path I have been on was ordained by the Creator of the universe. Other times, I doubt and question each little step. It is as if there is no light in front of me and I'm venturing into the unknown with my hand held out in front of me and my steps slow and unsure. Once again, hindsight shows that He was lighting each step one at a time as I stepped out in faith.

Then, there are times like now. Actually, now means the last year or so. I have this soul-deep feeling that I am on the brink of something incredible. Something God ordained, God honoring, God directed... something of which I am an integral part. Yet, I have NO idea what it is. Actually, I have a small idea but for the life of me, I can't figure out how it all plays out. All I know is that there are times, like today, when this feeling is overwhelming and I can hardly stand the wait.

As a child, Christmas mornings held this kind of anticipation for me. I would rally my family, usually around 6 a.m. and we would gather around our Christmas tree. All six of us would be full of anticipation. Not only for what we hoped we would receive but also the hope that others would like what we had given them. I have incredibly fond memories of Christmas morning. Lots of love, laughter and often tears of joy. Anticipation always brings back those fond memories.

I think this current anticipation has something to do with the LORD having more writing or even speaking for me to do. I don't know any more than that. As I was walking today, I was telling my LORD all of the reasons why He shouldn't chose me and at the very same time I was full of anticipation of what He could do in me and through me.

So, my anticipation makes me wait. I don't want to do anything other than what He has ordained for me to do. Nothing more. Nothing less. Nothing else.

In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;
in the morning I lay my requests before you
and wait in expectation.

Psalm 5:3

treasure map...

Yesterday, at church, our pastor asked me to read this to our congregation. Pastor Doug was speaking on the Bible being our map to our greatest treasure and when we follow the Bible wholeheartedly, we will live our greatest life. It was an amazing sermon.

I like to think that I hold only to the Bible and to nothing else. I like to think that my heart is loyal only to my Savior and His Word. I like to think that I am single-minded when it comes to this Book of Wisdom called the Bible. Obviously, I deceive myself.

As I sat in church yesterday, I nodded my head in agreement with Pastor Doug. I thought "this is great!" However, at the same time, I was harboring bitterness and anger against a friend. My thought was "YES! I do hold on to nothing else but God's Word! I am not deceived into following any other way. I love my God and I love His Word!" Later, last night, I was venting to Chad (who was either patiently listening to me verbally sort out my thoughts and feelings, or he was fast asleep). At any rate, I heard the still small voice of the Spirit whisper, "if you are holding on to bitterness and anger, you can't be holding on to My Word with both hands and all of your heart!"

I realized, anew, that there is much that takes my heart away from whole-heartedly following Him and His Word. I follow other ways and try to take short-cuts. I doubt. I listen to other voices. And, attitudes and actions that seem innocent grow into sins that choke out my desire to seek Him in His Word.

He has given us "a map"... directions for all we need to live this thing called "life" for His glory. It's all written down in the Bible. It is our life instruction book and when we chase the treasure within, we live our best life for Him!

Be careful to learn, to follow, and to keep following the instructions contained in this letter. With this letter and the directions it contains, you will find your way to a distant place where is hidden a store of treasure more valuable than you can imagine in your wildest dreams.

But, be careful, the journey upon which these instructions will take you is one which involves constant dangers and pitfalls. At every step of the way, your total and unswerving obedience to these directions is not only important, but critical. If you are careful to stay true to the path which I set before you, you will not only take hold of promised treasure, but will experience such delights along the way as to make the journey itself more than worth your trouble.

Again, however, I warn you... doubt will be your unwanted companion, and will often tempt you to look this way, search along another path, to follow your own unreliable "heart", to heed the advice of others you meet who say..."I know this treasure you seek, and where it may be found... follow me!" Test all of this against what is contained in this letter, and if the path these influences would have you take differs in the slightest from my reliable direction, do not be swayed.

Read this map. Memorize it. Obey it. No matter what. And, you, my friend, will be rich indeed!