so much left to surrender... day 31

Truly, I want to live a surrendered life.  I want to surrender my all to His care.  I want to be a masterpiece for Him.


I'm not there.  I haven't arrived.  I have much to learn... much more to surrender.  In this "instant society" with our instant pictures through digital photography, instant communication via social networking and instant food through the drive-thru, I find it hard to wait.  


Surrender is a journey... the destination will be the day I see my Savior face to face.  The pilgrimage is my day by day choice to surrender rather than fight... to lay down my cares rather than run into the battle myself... to trust and obey.


... and to not get overwhelmed at my incompleteness but to continue striving for a life of surrender.

the end or the beginning?... day 29

This blogging journey of 31 Days of Surrender is coming to an end... two more days of October, two more days to compete the 31 day challenge.

I jumped into this challenge, at the last minute, wondering how anyone would ever be able to write daily posts for an entire month all on the same subject.  All I knew is that I was being prompted to try this... and that surrender was the topic.

Surrender has never come easy to me.  I fight... a lot.  However, in this journey of living a surrendered life, I'm learning that freedom is in the surrender... joy is in the journey... and a life surrendered is a life used for His glory.

This month of 31 Days of Surrender has been a month of life lessons taught to my heart by my Rabbi Teacher.  There have been things I thought I would certainly write about and things that I have been hesitant to mention.  Somewhere along the way, though, I think I even surrendered this challenge.  I found Him directing my words and posts.  I felt Him leading me when and what to write.  I followed Him as He taught me.  He's been gentle and kind and taught me through humor and heartache.  I'm learning that it is not a 31 day kind of lesson... its a life long journey of daily surrendering all that I have to Him.

Monday won't be the end of the journey for me... instead, it will be the beginning of surrendering the rest of my life.

surrendering my mind... day 28

For although we are walking in the flesh, 

we do not wage war in a fleshly way,  

since the weapons of our warfare are not fleshly, 

but are powerful through God for the demolition of strongholds. 

We demolish arguments and every high-minded thing 

that is raised up against the knowledge of God, 

taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (HCSB)

surrendering the guilt... day 27

Guilt.  It is one of my enemy's favorite weapons to use against me.  


...and, just in case you were wondering, it usually works well for him.

Therefore, there is now no 

condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus

because through Christ Jesus 

the law of the Spirit who gives life

has set you free

from the law of sin and death.

Romans 8:1-2

There is no guilt under the blood of Jesus Christ!  If I cling to the guilt, am I essentially saying that His blood was not enough?  Do I take on the role of god when I surrender to the guilt... carrying that which has already been forgiven?  

No guilt today.  His blood is enough for me!

surrendering the battle... day 26

...all the assembly will know that the LORD

does not deliver by sword or by spear,

for the battle is the LORD's

and He will give you into our hands.

1 Samuel 17:47 (NASB)

I've been burdened lately with a battle.  A battle bigger than the one a young shepherd boy walked into many years ago... an ancient battle between the Israelites and the Philistines and a huge man named Goliath... between good and evil. 

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert.

Your adversary, the devil,

prowls around like a roaring lion,

seeking someone to devour.

1 Peter 5:8 (NASB)

The battle continues today.  The enemy of young David has not given up these thousands of years later.  He still fights to the death to seek and destroy.  Jesus acknowledged the battle...

The thief comes only to steal

and kill and destroy: I came

that they may have life and 

have it abundantly.

John 10:10 (NASB)

There is nothing fair about this battle.  Unlike young David, I battle that which I can not see.  The apostle, Paul, recognized the unseen enemy...

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers,

against the powers,

against the world forces of this darkness,

against the spiritual forces of wickedness 

in the heavenly places.

Ephesians 6:12 (NASB)

My burden is this... this unseen enemy is not only battling for me... he battles for my children as well.  He will use any measure at his disposal to get to my children.  He's the worst bully ever and his greatest desire is to steal, kill and destroy.  He wants to destroy any testimony that my kids would have... he wants to steal them... he wants to kill them.  

Look who's here: Mountain-Shaper! Wind-Maker!
   He laid out the whole plot before Adam.
He brings everything out of nothing,
   like dawn out of darkness.
He strides across the alpine ridges.
   His name is God, God-of-the-Angel-Armies.

Amos 4:13 (message)

My enemy doesn't play fair and neither do I!  I have the greatest weapon on my side... the God of the Angel Armies!!!  This ugly enemy has tried to convince me that this is my battle and I must fight it on my own.  I have been overwhelmed and out-numbered for far too long.  Just this week, a friend posted this verse from Amos on her facebook wall and to me she said, "Look who's here!"  

 “Offer to God a sacrifice of thanksgiving
And pay your vows to the Most High; Call upon Me in the day of trouble;
I shall rescue you, and you will honor Me.”

Psalm 50:14-15

He fights my battles for me... in fact, they aren't my battles... the battles aren't even my kid's battles.  Instead, when I surrender the battle to Him, I can echo young David's words...

...for the battle is the LORD's

... and I've read the end of the story... the LORD wins!

surrendering preconceptions... day 25

preconception... a preconceived idea or notion

Let's face it... I had a lot of preconceived ideas and notions BEFORE I had children.  I read the books.  I listened to the CDs (yes, Eric, they had CDs then...).  I just KNEW how MY children would behave.  For instance...

my child will never throw a fit in WalMart

my child will never eat gum off the street

my child will never throw food on the floor

my child will always be a respectful teenager and will never flick his hair out of his face

my child will always say "yes please" and "no thank you"

...and on... and on... and on...

and then reality came... in the form of 3 sinful people who all have the same first initial.

Long about the time that I realized that all of my preconceived ideas and notions were far out in left field, I got a sweet note from a friend.  She is a mom of five!  I wisely assumed that anyone who was rearing 5 children probably had at least a little wisdom to share.  In Becki's case... a lot of wisdom. 

God uses our children for our own sanctification.

Becki's note all those years ago was the beginning of me learning to surrender my notions.  I am a much better mom when I don't have preconceived ideas of how my kids should act or be.  Without preconceptions, I can accept them for who they are, not who I think they should be.

Yes, MY children did all those things I mentioned and more.  Yes, my preconceptions have been mostly wrong.

... and, yes, I'm learning to surrender those notions and embrace reality.

surrendering the noise... day 24

At times, my world is loud... really, really LOUD.


... take yesterday for example.  This is the noise that invades my world on any given Sunday from August~the first Sunday in February...

NOOOOOOOOO!!

YES!

go! go! go! go!

GET him!

NO. WAY.  That was pass interference!

Honestly, I don't mind the NFL Sunday noise.  In fact, I'm often right in the mix... yelling and screaming at the TV... high fiving all those around.  It's the noise of a family enjoying the afternoon... each one watching their Fantasy Football players... and the running commentary of which Fantasy Football team is leading.

It's the noise outside the walls of my house that really gets to me.  I used to think it was something I just had to live with... something out of my control.

In this journey of 31 Days of Surrender, I've been reading my sister's journey 31 Days to Listen.  I'm realizing that I'm a lousy listener.  I listen just long enough to quiet the noise but not long enough to hear anything.  

What if I were to surrender the noise?  

Would I then have the energy to listen?  

What then?

Would I actually hear those around me?

I'm coming to the conclusion that much of the noise in my world can be surrendered.  I can stop dwelling on the naysayers and the complainers.  I can structure my days so that I am not weighed down with so many responsibilities.  I can free up my schedule so that the noise of deadlines and commitments doesn't drown out the voices of Chad, Eric, Emily and Ellen.

When I surrender the outside noise, I can hear the voice of a 14 year old boy and a 12 year old girl work compromise on an issue rather than fighting it out.  When I listen with less noise, I have the energy to hear a very tired child who had a huge weekend.  When I surrender the noise around me, I hear a man who complains little, say... "I'm bothered by this, can you help me work through it?"

When I surrender the noise in my world.. I hear those I love.

linking up with Gabe as I learn to listen more...

surrendered friends... day 23

My introduction to living a surrendered life came years ago... years before I was ready and willing to do such a radical thing.  

Are you surrendered on that?

Have you surrendered that to the LORD?

Where's your surrender?

We all need friends in our lives that spur us on to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24).  My such friend came in the form of a brilliant introvert named Julie who came to serve me and scrub my toilets when I was pregnant and on bed rest.  She has become one of my dearest friends.

Over the years, she has said those very things to me... and more.  Challenging me to pursue a surrendered life.  Praying for my journey.  And, encouraging me every step of the way.  

Surrender.  I don't think I would have pursued a surrendered life without a surrendered friend.

true surrender... day 22

perhaps this is what true surrender looks like...

resting under the covering of His wings,

living at peace knowing that

Someone will feed, clothe and take care of you

24/7/365/eternity

surrendering my wounds... day 21

Surrendering my wounded heart... this very well might be the most difficult area for me to surrender.  My own mother has reminded me, on more than one occasion, that I have the memory of an elephant.  I don't forget the words... the wound... the one who wounded me.  


I tend to clutch my wounds tightly to my soul, holding on, vowing to never be wounded again.  Somehow, I have come to the conclusion that if I hold on to the wound tightly, I won't ever be hurt that way again.

Only it doesn't work like that.

It was a wounding type of day.  Deep... raw... ugly.  Hours later it's just me and the dog wrapped under a blanket.  The house is dark and cold... the windows streaked with rain.  My heart streaked with unshed tears.  Will I let my heart get cold and dark, too?  Will I clutch this wound tightly hoping to protect myself, my kid, my life?  And then I remember...

it doesn't work like that.

Life hurts.  People wound.  Love stings... and there is no such thing as fair.  

Instead, there is grace... undeserved merit or favor.  There is mercy... undeserved forgiveness or compassion.  And, there is forgiveness... undeserved forgetting of an offense.

It's in the surrender of the offense that I see grace... mercy... forgiveness.  It's in the surrender of the pain that I find healing by the Great Physician.  

And, it's in the surrender of the wound that I let it go and love again.

surrendering my inconveniences... day 20

We sat in rapt attention... all 3000 0f us.  She who we came to hear entertained us with a monologue she had written some years before.  She titled it "Table For One."

Waiter, this is a problem!  These potatoes are lumpy.

She spoke of a woman who entered a restaurant one evening and asked for a table for one.  While she waited for her food she over heard an irate customer badgering the server for smoother potatoes.

Dey beat my fazer in de street.  Dat waz a problem....

Her potatoes are an inconvenience.

With perfect voice inflections, she continued the monologue with a conversation between the woman at the table for one and an elderly Jewish woman from Germany sitting at a neighboring table... a woman permanently scarred, rubbing her death camp tattoo.  

Dey separated my sester and I, 

 one day my sester did not come to the fence to see me.

Dey told me she was dead.

Dat waz a problem....

Her potatoes are an inconvenience.

As Donna VanLiere walked across the stage in front of me, acting the part of three woman, I sat and pondered.  I am that woman who makes an issue of lumpy potatoes.  I am the woman who knows many inconveniences and few problems.  I am that obnoxious woman.

So much of last weekend's Extraordinary Women conference spoke to my heart.  I heard it through the filter of my struggle to surrender.  Saturday morning, my heart heard Donna VanLiere say...

Many things are inconveniences...

not so many things are problems.

... in my surrender journey, I discovered there is a difference between the two.