Sunday, February 21, 2010

So Long, Insecurity..part 5

Here's another startling realization in this quest to overcome my insecurities... I am my own worst enemy! God has been uncovering some not-so-lovely thoughts, habits, attitudes and actions of my heart and of my life. I've realized, anew, that I truly am my own worst enemy. It's incredibly humbling and aggravating to face this!

Someday, I think I will calligraphy the slogan "just say no!" on my bedroom wall. Perhaps, I would be better off if it were on every single wall of my home. I have the hardest time saying "no" to people, events, things, etc. It is here that I am my own worst enemy.

I have been fighting a virus for the past couple of weeks. Today, I woke up with an intense sore throat again (it seems to come and go) and told Chad that I would just stay home from church this morning. For about 30 seconds that decision seemed like a great idea... then my brain kicked on. I thought of all the things I "needed" to do at church today...people I "needed" to talk with, children's church that I "needed" to teach today and the carry-in lunch afterward that I "needed" to help with. After a few minutes, I was exhausted just thinking about all that I "needed" to do!

This is where I am my own worst enemy. I take on WAY to much! As I thought of what I thought I needed to do, I really felt the Spirit whisper this to my heart..."do you really think you are irreplaceable? You are not God, I am!" Ouch! I'd like to say a resounding "NO! I don't feel that way!" but I think my thought process was proving otherwise.

My startling realization is that some of my insecurities are from taking on more than God has called me to do. It is so hard for me to remember that two letter word...NO. Years ago, a dear lady once said to me, "Heidi, there are many good things in life to choose from. However, just because they are good doesn't mean they are the best things for you or for your family."

Taking on more than I can handle is one of those not-so-lovely habits that my heart has developed over the years. I've heard various theories of how long it takes to break a habit. I've done this for so long that I know I can not break this habit on my own. I think this one will only be broken if God tattoos "just say no" in calligraphy across my heart. I need to remember, daily, that I only "need" to do what He has called me to do...nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

In doing only what He has for me to do, I would probably find myself being less and less my own worst enemy and more and more secure in Him.

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Thank you for your kind words!