courage, creativity... and giants

I'm learning courage, and how to be brave... at all but 43 years old, I have much to learn.  


I'm not good at the whole being brave thing.  I'd rather stick my head in the sand blissfully than to stick it out courageously.   Most days, I'd rather hide within these walls with these four I love the most and just be.  For years, I blissfully lived this way... until, a stirring began and flamed into a fire in my heart.  A fire to be a writer. 


Then I read, and Emily says, "create art that matters."  She's talked for so long about creating art and being brave and stepping out courageously that I believe her.  I read and I think I can do these things... creativity and courage.


I listen to Ann... the one who has inspired me much.  She tells me to get out of my comfort zone.... because when you have experienced Grace, you cannot not tell.




I read, I listen, I hear, I see... and, yet... I fear the giants...

They gave Moses this account: “We went into the land to 

which you sent us, and it does flow with milk and honey! 

Here is its fruit. But the people who live there are powerful, 

and the cities are fortified and very large.

Numbers 13:27-18

I wander into our local Christian bookstore, yesterday, on a quest for birthday gifts.  I stand and wait while she rings up gift cards and take a deep breath...

"...do you ever stock independently published books by local authors?"

a sweet smile, a query to the manager followed by a gracious "no."  and then a whisper... 

"is this a book you have written?"

I slipped her a business card with title and link and notice Jen and her new release staring at me.

I fear these giants... the ones whose books stare back at me while I quietly slip a mere business card with a link to an eBook.   


I smile dejectedly, trying to hide.  Ellen skips out of the store and into the sunshine with her smoothie and her smile.  Me?  I just try to escape. 


My enemy pounces...

...who do you think you are?

...this land is inhabited by incredible giants, go home.

...give up

Through the chatter of my girl and the sunshine on my face, I hear the whisper...

The first lesson in learning how to be brave?... 

stop listening to the father of lies

I am the Way,

the TRUTH

and the Life

seek Truth

be strong and courageous

for I am on your side.


~*~


giveaway still open for 2 more days!!

His loving mercy

I can't help but love the days when my God changes up my plans and gifts me with reminders of His tender mercy.

I woke, this morning, to another "no" in the quest of promoting this book.  Another incredibly gracious "no, thanks, but we wish you the best."  

In this journey, I find myself so very thankful for the mercy of my God who has been incredibly kind and merciful to this tender heart.

This morning's gift came just 10 minutes later in the form of a phone call from my long time friend and Emily's guidance counselor.  Two times a month, Carmen organizes the entire school into community service teams and relies on parents to help drive.  Ellen and I often drive to a nursing home with a great group of boys.  Today, though, the phone call and the plea to cover for someone else... and go to a farm.

"Take Ellen!  She'll love it!" she said.  "And, you can sit and read a book, if you want."  

"I'm in!"  

Ellen helped get a pony brushed and ready for a pony party this weekend.  I think she loved every single minute of it.

...and me?  Well... I didn't read a book... instead, I sat at a picnic table on a most gorgeous March morning and wrote.

The gift of time to work on a sequel.  Time to do what I love to do...

...all because of His loving mercy and the gifts He bestows day after day.

~*~

...don't forget the giveaway that's open all week!

it's my birthday... giveaway and another freebie

Well... it's really NOT my birthday... just yet.  Soon.  Very soon... as in Sunday, soon...


...so, in honor of yet another year of age and all that hoopla that goes with it, I've decided, after 3 years of blogging, to offer my first EVER giveway!  

...this is a wall art sticker that my almost 13 year old gave me for Christmas this year.  I love it!  It hangs above my tub and reminds me daily that everyday is a gift.


I like this wall art sticker so much, that I went, after Christmas, and purchased one to give away.  I have been waiting for the perfect time to do a giveaway and realized that a birthday deserves a gift, right?  


Between now... and my birthday {Sunday}...  I'm hosting my first ever blogger giveaway.  And, on Sunday, I will have Emme help me randomly draw one winner for their own wall art reminder that EVERYDAY IS A GIFT!


You can get one entry for...
... leaving me a comment here telling me your favorite gift
... following this blog
... leaving me a message on facebook


and for a bonus entry worth 2!! ...


...incidentally, today truly is the birthday of my blogging friend, Heidi.  Not only do we share the same name but Heidi is just five days older than I am.  Click over and wish her a very happy day and earn 2 entries for the giveaway {just come back here and leave a comment letting me know that you did}. 


~*~


and for all... another freebie... the first five chapters of The Secret of Counting Gifts... enjoy!

gifts and giving... and a freebie for you!

It's late... but it's still Monday... still the day I have chosen to be my "counting day."  I join in with the gratitude community at Ann's to count the grace gifts that the Great Gifter bestows upon me... without prejudice to my failures, my unfaithfulness, my blemishes.


... and my forgetfulness.  My soul forgets much!  So often, I think "this, THIS is a gift!" only to forget in the next moment.  I forget and never remember again.... 


...so I list those I remember, lest I forget.


... for a friend who listens without judgement
... for accountability
... for "so, what are you going to do about it?"
... for open windows in an empty parking lot on March 19
... for the bugs that kept flying in the open windows


... for the color of new green
... for sunrises and sunsets
... for new friends who generously share their front row seat to the sun setting
... for following the signs of a bonfire and surprise visits
... for adventure


... for mid-morning texts "can I take you out to lunch today?"
... for a marriage that has weathered much
... for quiet conversations amid the noise of life
... for a man who knows what I don't say
... for the ways he answers without words


... for children who love me, who love him, who love each other
... for those who say "he's such a good kid!"
... for others who say, "she ministered to me today!"
... for the compliment of "I love that girl!" 
... for family laughs and family fun


... for the quiet whisper tonight "how long will you listen to his lies?"
... for the taste of freedom
... for redemption
... for resurrection
... and new life in HIM!


.... He is faithful and gifts and gives and gifts some more.  More than I could ever ask or imagine.  He is that good... all the time!

~*~

For your family's Redemption Celebration... a free gift for you and fun for your family...

HIStory Eggs!  A Redemption Celebration for the entire family... 12 lessons of redemption from the first sin to the marriage supper of the Lamb.

Explanation, instructions and template can be found here.

You Are Already Amazing... a DaySpring review

Sometimes you can judge a book from its cover... 

or at least in the mind of an 8 year-old.  

It was Ellen who opened the box with the latest book for me to review inside, and it was Ellen who said, "I like this book!"  without having read a single word.  

Sometimes you get pulled into a book from its cover and its title.

...and, sometimes, you open that book with it's engaging title

 and amazing cover,

 and you realize you are sitting with a friend over a cup of coffee.

Holley Gerth is that friend, and You Are Already Amazing is that book.


With sweet words and deep understanding, Holley addresses the issue most of us women face... a hard time accepting that we truly are amazing.  We tend to see ourselves as less than someone else through comparing ourselves to others and who we think they are.  We often see ourselves as less than them as we change diapers, clean toilets, and tackle the endless mountain of laundry facing us.


Not only does Holley tell us that we are amazing because of Who created us, she reminds us that He has an unique plan for each of us.  We are not called to be anything other than what He has equipped us to be.


Using her experience as a personal coach, Holley gives thought provoking questions to help each of us understand our strengths, weaknesses, and our unique gifts.  Understanding who we are is the key to discovering what makes us amazing.


At the end of her book, Holley has also included discussion questions for individuals and groups to study deeper... to go a little further.


Sometimes you realize that there is some wisdom in an 8 year-olds words, when she says "I like this book!"


You Are Already Amazing is available through major retailers or through DaySpring, as well as an entire new collection of coordinating gifts.


***disclaimer... I received this free book through my affiliation with DaySpring, I received no other compensation.

with a side of light cream...

Yep... it's my second post today.  Mostly 'cuz I have a lot of random thoughts swirling above and it's Tuesday... which means it's {virtual coffee} with Amy!!  So here's a much lighter post than the last few... lighter is better!


So... let's chat over some coffee or tea on this beautiful Tuesday.  Mine's iced with maple syrup and a little milk... ran out of half and half yesterday.  What I wouldn't do for a little cream this morning.... mmmm... 


Yes, you read that right.  Maple syrup in my coffee.  I think it's my new love.  I wouldn't have tried it though, if I hadn't given up coffee creamer.  I had a serious love affair with coffee creamer... after weeks and weeks of migraines and severe headaches, though, I started to take inventory of what I was consuming.  Over the past 10 years, I have slowly {read at at snail's pace... obviously, since this has been in the works for a decade, huh?} changed my eating habits.  So, anymore, there really isn't much that isn't good for me... except coffee creamer.  So, on a whim Saturday, I poured my java down the drain, gave away the remainder of my coffee creamer, and poured myself a new cup with maple syrup... OH YEAH!  I'm in love again... I may need to find something a little less expensive though....


Speaking of maple syrup, we didn't tap our trees this year because they started to bud early.  Amazingly, we were all kind of bummed, until my friend, Angie, called and said they had more sap than they knew what to do with and would I like some?  Yes ma'am!  So, Ellen and I trekked sap home and in the end got over a gallon of syrup!!

Maple syrup and my screen door, those are the things that make me think spring.  Sunday my screen door came back!  LOVE!!  Isn't he a great guy?   The really funny thing... see that hair?  About an hour after I took this picture, it was all gone.  He's back to a shaved head... another sign of warmer weather.


'k... just have to say... I don't like DST!!  Why is it we have to go back to being dark when I take Emme to school?  I just want to come home and crawl right back under the covers... yesterday, I did! ; )


Speaking of kids, the mancub goes back to the doctor today.  The boy's a little concerned.  He cannot extend his arm... not because of pain, because it won't go there.  So, we'll see what the one with more knowledge than us has to say.  So far, though, it hasn't slowed him down much.  He was playing back yard football yesterday... just catch and release but for him, it's better than nothing.


I really wish we were sitting across from one another today.  I'm having a hard time getting motivated to do anything.  Mostly I want to find a hands-on book {as opposed to ebook}, a blanket and head outside!  Since we haven't started school in these parts yet... it was a beautiful morning delay... maybe we'll take school outside the walls of this house.


So... what would you tell me if we were really playing hooky from school over coffee?  What's going on in your neck of the woods?


Join in!

joy in a bag... it's what you do with your heavy heart

Leave it up to God to show me what to do with a heavy heart...

It's hard to function efficiently with a heart that is weighty.  Do a little laundry, pray.  Dishes, pray.  Make flashcards and giggle with the girl, pray.  I felt like I accomplished little in the day.  In the end, we fed one extra, helped a little, prayed some more.  


Until evening... and a quiet house... and this idea...

Sometimes spontaneity calls for adaptation.  I didn't have a pretty box, nor a lovely basket.  I do, though, have a local Christian bookstore that carries my favorite book as well as Dayspring cards, bags, and journals.

I am not gifted in the art of fancy gifts and packages.  In fact, I kinda stink at the whole wrapping a present thing.  


I truly think there are times when angels intervene and do it for me because those are the times I sit back and think.... Shazam!

Sometimes the way to loose heart weight is to give it away.  It changes nothing of the heavy circumstance... and, yet, sometimes it changes everything.  Sometimes knowing you are not alone in this world is enough to see you through one more day.  

I think I should have fixed the tissue before
I left this at her front door, huh?

Tissue and bag... a little
Book and journal... a little more
Joy in a bag... priceless!


and my heavy heart... a few pounds lighter.

when you can do nothing but count...

wide awake with a heavy <3.

This was my facebook status last night at 1 a.m.   Nine hours later, I'm sleepy with a heavy heart.

There are times in life when it seems like nothing makes sense or everything falls apart.  There are seasons when my heart screams... tell me, once again, who I am to You... because I can't feel it, hear it, see it, taste it or know it in my heart of hearts right now.

Sometimes the storm blows right through my world and turns everything upside down and inside out.  Mostly though, the storm is someone close.  Close enough for me to hear their wind howl... to see flying debris... to feel the pounding rain.  Close enough to hear enough, see enough, feel enough to send me to my knees.

Last week, my sister posted this and it hurt my heart... hurt not because I was in this storm but because this storm was felt by those I love... I prayed for my sister and her family... especially my two nephews who I'm particularly fond of.   

This morning, as I drove home from taking Emme to school, I was reminded of that family.  A family torn... forever changed... living a new reality that they didn't choose.  My soul had forgotten... I suffer deeply from soul amnesia.  I wish I had remembered to pray for them every single minute of every day.  I hate forgetting!

Last night, wide awake with a heavy heart brought a new circumstance to pray about.  One much closer to home.  Friends, seemingly in a spiritual battle, the likes of which I have never fought.  I prayed, we prayed, I prayed again.  

Much prayer and yet the heavy heart remained.  Heavy and restless.  Wide awake in the middle of the night.  Until...

Be anxious for nothing, 

but in everything by prayer and supplication 

with thanksgiving 

let your requests be made known to God.  

And the peace of God, 

which surpasses all comprehension, 

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7 (NASB)

He, the One True God, brought these verses to mind.  I prayed them for my friends, for myself, for my family and I counted... until sleep came.

And, though, I woke still with a heavy heart for the battle, my heart is not without hope because I know the end of the story...

I know Who wins.

~*~

Counting with the gratitude community at Ann's... join in!

For these, and so much more, I am grateful to the Grace Giver...

... for the returning sound of the spring peepers

... for early morning rain

... for the way He renews even the earth

... for a quiet Sunday morning with the not so little one

... for quick healing

... for a beautiful day for a bike ride

... for a man who put my screen door back on 

... for great deals on jeans and boots

... for the patience they have learned in waiting for what they want

... for the encouragement of friends

... for laughter, the best medicine for heart issues

... for hearing laughter in my own home

... f0r the privilege to pray

... for the heavy heart that drives me to bow before the Throne

... for family movie nights and lessons learned

... for a slow to heal elbow and a boy who is learning some great life lessons

... for the glimpses of maturity

... for the way he senses my pain and prays with me

... for a relationship that withstands heavy wind sometimes

... for forgiveness

walking a fine line...

It's a fine line... 

a short step... 

a faint edge...

 between wonder and worry... 

trust me, I cross it often

first I wonder...

...what will it be like?

...what will happen?

...what if?

and before I know it...

I worry...

...what will it be like?

...what will happen?

...what if?

He woes...

..."why worry?

what does that do for you?

don't you know I've got you?

and I say...

...but, God...

do You see...?

do You know...?

do You care...?

and He replies...

...ah, child...

who cares about the wildflowers?

who cares about the birds?

who knows where the mountain goat gives birth?

I DO! 

...and yet even more

I care for you!

I see!

I know!

I care!

You may wonder, 

don't worry...

do not cross that line,

take that step,

push that edge...

trust Me, instead.

when a "no, thank you" changes everything

"But, God, this is HUGE..."

"But, God, what will they think?"

"But, God, I'm only a mom from Indiana..."

"Obey"

This is the true-life struggle my heart faced over the past 2 weeks.  Suffice it to say, there was a lot of "...but, God..." going on in this heart of mine.  

My God was calling me to seriously step out of my comfort zone... like, step-into-the-Jordan-River-and-watch-Me-work... type of stepping out.   The classic self-will vs. obedience battle raged fierce and hot in my heart.  I'm not a daring type of girl.

Finally, I surrendered (isn't that what life is all about, anyway?).  Sunday, I obeyed.  I sent an email (yes... this battle was over a simple email) and put myself out there.  I asked for a huge thing.  

Guess what?

Nothing changed.  I did receive a very pleasant "no, thank you" reply.   Actually, it was the nicest, kindest, most gracious negative response EVER.   Still... nothing changed.

My today looks just like my Sunday did.... just like my last Friday did.  Book sales are stagnant, my house looks like a perpetual whirlwind, and there is STILL laundry on the floor of the laundry room (I thought I did laundry all day yesterday...).   My life today looks the same....

... but...

... my heart doesn't.  I realized last night that though on the outside everything appears the same, the inside is radically different.  Obedience and stepping out in faith has changed my heart... my attitude... my outlook for the future.

I feel, as though, God has parted the Jordan River of my heart and has shown me... again... that His way is good and kind and gracious.... that He loves me and has a plan for me... my role is to be one of simple obedience...

...nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.

Which means, I need to stop saying "but, God..." and instead say, "Yes, God!"

when answered prayer takes time...

Time is such an elusive concept.  Try as you might,  you cannot nail jello to a tree, nor can you hold on to time.  It oozes in and out and around your fingers, runs down your arms as you try desperately to hold on to it.  And, all that is left is the sticky residue.  

Why is it that I know this about jello, and, 

yet, I fail to remember this about time?  

The greatest question is this... why, when I pray, do I expect the Creator of time, who is indeed timeless, to be bound by this elusive concept I call time?  


He created it when He separated the day from the night.  He owns it.... He owns my time as He is the only One who knows my days.  This my heart knows and recognizes...  

...the part my heart struggles with... 

His time and my time are not the same time.

Yesterday, I sat and watched and listened.  My man, the one who stole my heart 20 years ago or so, stood with a microphone, his Bible and the elements of communion on the table in front of Him.  He read of us, mere mortals, partaking of Christ's body.  He prayed that we would hunger for Him... desire more.  He stood there as a leader of our church, one of five elders who lead the sheep.  


He stood and read and prayed and my heart finally remembered.  My heart that suffers daily from amnesia, had forgotten the time I spent praying for a spiritual leader in our home.  My forgetful heart had forgotten the time on my knees with tears on my face praying that God would intervene... that He would raise up a leader within the walls of the house I call home.  I prayed that their daddy, those who were probably ages 7, 5 and 1, would lead them.


Yesterday, I looked and saw my girl who will soon be thirteen.... I saw her 15 year old older brother... and the 8 year old not-so-little-one.  Time has gone by while my heart has forgotten my prayer.  While the days between those prayers and now have been filled with ball practice, birthdays and family vacations, God was at work.  I couldn't see and I didn't know... the work that was done in the deep and private place of a soul that loves Jesus.

...all that time went by and I thought God had forgotten. 

 I forget, He never does.  

He who created time and created me... He who created my man and the three we call ours... He knew what this mere mortal thought she recognized years ago...


... He knew that NOW is the time for leadership in my home.  Now is the time to take a man cub and make him a man.  Now is the time to model for the one more woman than girl what a godly man looks like.  Now is the time... because time ticks by second by second and soon they will be the man or the woman looking for the godly man.  

Each evening, I sit and watch and listen as the leader of this home takes us through the Old Testament.  He who is faithful, even when I am not, gathers us around God's Word as we read and we pray together.  Sometimes I am tired... sometimes the kids are tired... sometimes we come with less than joyful hearts and yet he never waivers, he just reads and he prays... and we follow him.

Yesterday, my heart realized that answering prayer sometimes takes this elusive thought called time because God's time and my time are not the same... at all.


Joining in with the gratitude community at Ann's... counting the daily gifts of grace given by Grace on this Multitude Monday.  


~*~


... for a quick trip to Mama and Papa's
... for snippets of conversation on the way
... for a few moments each day with each of my 3 before the jello runs down the tree


... for rest
... for prayer
... for recognizing a spiritual battle for what it is


... for time with friends, new and old
... for the privilege to pray for loved ones
... for a mental-health day for the girl


... for a loose splint and less swelling
... for a PE teacher who understands
... for healing


... for times when He moves me from my comfort zone
... for words that came while fingers typed an email
... for prayer coverage


... for the recognition that the leader I prayed for is my life teammate
... for answered prayer, even when I don't realize it
... for the time between that makes us all more in His image

5 minute Friday...ache...

On Friday's, we gather at the gypsy mama to write.  We write for five minutes flat on one shared topic.  


We write because we love words, love stringing them together, and love to read each other's words.  We don't worry about grammar and such things as spelling or punctuation.  We just have fun.  


Today's topic... ache.  Care to join in?

ache

GO


I see him look down at the floor, the chair, his sleeve... anywhere but in the eyes that probe.  


"If God were to come to you in a dream, like He did to Solomon, what would you ask for?"


He asked each one of our children this question.  He, who is their daddy, looked at each one and said, "What would you ask of God?"


The biggest one... the one that is rapidly approaching 6'2" quietly replied, "discernment."


The Mom in me scoffed internally.  I thought it was a cop-out answer.  One where the 15 year old forgot to do his homework and so he replied with the first thing that came to his mind.  Maybe it was... maybe it wasn't.  Either way, it was his answer.


"Why?" I asked, gently.  Another life lesson in learning to be more of a spiritual responder and less of an emotional reactor.  When the word left my lips, even I was surprised at the gentle tone and friendly inflection.  Wow!  Apparently, an old dog can learn new tricks and even more apparent to me, God is changing me.


"I would like to know more of the direction of my life," was the quiet reply.  


...in that quiet moment, the ache settled deep in my sarcastic heart.  The ache that might just be inherent to every single mother out there... the ache that reminds me that I cannot fix everything for this boy I love the most.   


It is the ache that reminds me to be on my knees before the Throne... for the rest of his life.


STOP