"But, God, this is HUGE..."
"But, God, what will they think?"
"But, God, I'm only a mom from Indiana..."
This is the true-life struggle my heart faced over the past 2 weeks. Suffice it to say, there was a lot of "...but, God..." going on in this heart of mine.
My God was calling me to seriously step out of my comfort zone... like, step-into-the-Jordan-River-and-watch-Me-work... type of stepping out. The classic self-will vs. obedience battle raged fierce and hot in my heart. I'm not a daring type of girl.
Finally, I surrendered (isn't that what life is all about, anyway?). Sunday, I obeyed. I sent an email (yes... this battle was over a simple email) and put myself out there. I asked for a huge thing.
Nothing changed. I did receive a very pleasant "no, thank you" reply. Actually, it was the nicest, kindest, most gracious negative response EVER. Still... nothing changed.
My today looks just like my Sunday did.... just like my last Friday did. Book sales are stagnant, my house looks like a perpetual whirlwind, and there is STILL laundry on the floor of the laundry room (I thought I did laundry all day yesterday...). My life today looks the same....
... my heart doesn't. I realized last night that though on the outside everything appears the same, the inside is radically different. Obedience and stepping out in faith has changed my heart... my attitude... my outlook for the future.
I feel, as though, God has parted the Jordan River of my heart and has shown me... again... that His way is good and kind and gracious.... that He loves me and has a plan for me... my role is to be one of simple obedience...
...nothing more, nothing less, nothing else.
Which means, I need to stop saying "but, God..." and instead say, "Yes, God!"