Tuesday, March 27, 2012

when grace gestates...

But I have learned in my life
that grace often gestates, like an unborn child.
And when the expectant mother grabs the hospital-prepared
suitcase and screams, "Let's go!" then you'd better go.
All Is Grace
Brennan Manning

I love this!  What a beautiful word picture of the way Grace often floods my heart, soul, and life with grace.  It gestates and it comes NOW!

Life is disappointing... it's what I do with the disappointment that makes all the difference in the world.  Yesterday, I reverted to a 30 year old habit of dealing with disappointment... journaling.  Writing.  Recording in words the hurt, the confusion, the pain.  I wrote for myself and recorded it in cyberspace as a small sacrifice of praising in the storm.    I wrote, I confessed, I praised, and then I walked away... and grace came.

In those after moments of surrendering it all and letting go, Grace came and expanded in that vacant space like a billowing endless cloud.  Every tiny crevice of my scarred soul was emptied of me and my disappointments and filled with Grace.  A day of endless gifts...

... a slow morning to work through my heart issues
... a new book, by an old man, to lead me in this search that All Is Grace
... a phone call and laughter filled with 25 years of friendship
... a new prayer journal and a grace filled lunch with my kindred spirit

... a peace that flooded every moment
... joy 
... loose jeans
... heart rest from battling a war that was already won

... a great morning of catching up on some math work with a happy heart
... good occupational therapy time for Eric
... the chance to pick up 16 pizzas and 90+ popsicles and feed the children at the youth club
... 40 minutes, by myself, in the waning sunlight to work on a new campfire pit

I wonder how many times Grace is waiting... wanting to gestate... wanting to birth out of me the wonder of new grace and I am the one who forbids it.  My white-knuckled grip to my self-righteousness doesn't leave room for grace to gestate.  Instead of surrendering to the birth moment, I push it away and helplessly cling to the poison that fills my heart.  

... today I am, again, grateful for Grace and the grace that gestates like an unborn baby.  Thank you, Brennan Manning, for these words in the twilight of your life.

~*~

linking up today with...



3 comments:

  1. This is a beautiful picture. Thank you for sharing and thank you for stopping by His Pen on My Heart. It is so nice to meet you!

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  2. Oh, the grace that is waiting right around the corner, if we would just open our tightly clenched fists and allow Him to pour it in and through us!
    Jessica

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  3. oh, I just love, love "All is grace"... and the journaling? I do that too. So glad you had time to process thoughts, heart hurts...and loose jeans?? the best :)

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Thank you for your kind words!