Friday, May 11, 2012

this mom's identity...

On Fridays over here a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind 
and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them. 
Just five minutes. 
Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
Your words. 
This shared feast.

Those are Lisa Jo's words... joining with her and her writing community at Gypsy Mama for five minute Friday.   
Today's topic: identity
I wrote of this yesterday... this sense of finding my identity now that my children need me less and less.  A decade and a half of my life spent as Mama, Mommy, Mom.  A decade spent educating at home... gathering around great books, exploring together through field trips, and living life together.  I would do it all again.. over and over and over.
I wouldn't have spent this time in my life any other way.  I'm now wondering though, what do I do next?  In investing that much of my life, I also invested my identity.  I laugh because I meet people in my area now who say to me, "oh, you're that homeschool mom." To my children's friends, I am "Eric's mom" or "Emily's mom" or "Ellen's mom."  Perhaps to the neighborhood dogs, I am even "Ebony's mom."
I knew parenting wasn't for the faint of heart before I jumped in.  I did not know, though, that I would willingly invest myself to my very core into the lives of these 3 Es.  I didn't know that I would want to give up my individual identity in order to help them form theirs.  I didn't know they would become so much of who I am.
Even in the midst of a new school this year... a broken arm and a 3 hour surgery... a trip to another country... writing a novel... and another year of homeschooling my youngest, I've spent this year re-evaluating.  
Who am I?  What will I do next?  What is my purpose?  My worth?  My identity?
I don't have all the answers yet... and I may never.  However, I do know the One who knows.  And... I know that my true identity belongs in Him.  
I also know that my children will always need me.  
They have their own identities now... I don't need to give them mine.

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Thank you for your kind words!