In my children's world, I tend to be like Charlie Brown's teacher. In fact, I am sure that this is what my children hear, "waa WAA waa WAA". I see it in their eyes. I tend to be a "lecturer". Truly, I hate this about myself!! So, when I start in, I see my kids eyes glass over and their heads start bobbing up and down. A peek into their hearts would probably reveal, "here she goes again! If I agree with everything she says, she'll stop." The more they react with stone silence, the more I rant and rave. Why?! I think it's because I have conditioned myself as much as I have conditioned them. If I rant and rave enough, I feel like I have "dealt with" the issue and "taught" my children the correct way to handle it. It seems to be the quick way to deal with the wrong issue so that we can move on to an illusion of peace and quiet.
I am so thankful that God showed me this a few evenings ago. I saw Emme's eyes glass over and when I stopped ranting and raving and began talking and asking, tears fell down her cheeks. Yes, it took a little more time than ranting and raving but it was worth it. I wish I could tell you that my kids have a new mom. I wish I could say that I immediately changed my ways and things have been soooooo much better. I still fail. I failed miserably this morning with Ellen but thankfully my kids are the forgiving kind of kids and my Savior is the forgiving kind of God!
My glimpses of life through my children's eyes are not always so serious. Today I laughed inside (but not out loud, of course) at the way my girls were dressed to go to the post office and to the bank. Without a single thought of what anyone would think of them, they went clomping through the door in their snow boots and coats, proudly showing off their new hats that Penni made! They thought they were as gorgeous as models on a runway in Paris. You know what.... they are!
I'm sitting here in a quiet house listening to giggles and sledding screams outside as I am given another glimpse into their world. My two girls and a borrowed one are laughing and playing without a care. Their world only exists right now and right now is a lot of fun! They are not inhibited with worries or the "what ifs" of life. Instead, they are simply enjoying the moment of snow together. How different would my day to day life be if I simply enjoyed other's company and had fun, rather than allowing myself to get caught up the "what ifs" and worries of life?
Jesus, please give me many, many more glimpses of life through the eyes of Emily, Eric and Ellen... my heart has many more lessons to learn!