I miss her... this almost 13 year old of mine... and I miss then one she is with more. I miss them with my whole heart... this heart of mine that is tied up in knots this week.
I know that she will return on Sunday full of smiles and stories and joy. She will tell me about surgeries she watched and patients she helped for pre-op or post-op. She will tell me of her love of Guatemala and its people... and of her love for all things medicine. She will return and I will hold on to her for a little while longer.
This picture... its the future of Emme. There will be a day when she will go... and stay. I am confident of this... for I know her heart. I know that her heart was made to serve in this way. My mother's brain knows this... my mother's heart ties up in a new knot... and I pray.
I pray much this week. I think I pray for me more than for them. I pray that somehow I will make it through. I count the days (5 1/2 more...) as I lie awake at night. Then I do what my heart is being conditioned to do... I count gifts.
I give thanks.
I thank Him for Guatemala and for this opportunity.
I thank Him that Guatemala has stolen her heart and his.
I thank Him for what she will see and what she will do.
I thank Him for His work... started last year at this time in an 11 year-old heart.
I thank Him that she loves what she is doing this week.
I thank Him for modern technology that I could even get this picture across the miles
and across a continent.
...because the honest answer is I wasn't grateful and I wasn't giving thanks last week. I sent them off with a heart full of resentment. I told him so. I spewed venomous words in my anger. He took those words with him when I dropped them off. I brought the resentful heart home with me.
God's been working on the resentment. He's showing me that gratitude is the cure for a good many things... discontentment, jealousy, pride, anger, self-righteousness... and resentment. It's a lesson I hate learning, but one I need!
...so I look at this picture of this girl I love and I thank Him for Guatemala.