when I find myself waiting...

Waiting.  Nope, I don't like it, not even one little bit.  In my own warped sense, I've often attributed waiting to punishment... my brain knows this is not true.  However, my heart often buys that lie... over and over and over again.  After 42 years, you'd think I'd know better by now.


When I find myself waiting, these are often the thoughts of my heart...

why am I waiting?

what did I do wrong?

why won't God show me what's next?

I should be doing SOMETHING!

I used to even wonder if God would just put a postcard in my mailbox telling me what to do next... but after the whole The Shack debacle and the debates that continue to rage, I think I'll stick to asking God to write it in the sky for me.

This week I find myself waiting on Him again.  I'm learning that this is really supposed to be a minute by minute event... a continual attitude of waiting on my Savior to lead and to guide.  Over the years, I've made this an annual or semi-annual pilgrimage... one in which I create a big attitude and make a bigger deal and announce to all who will listen "I'm waiting on the Lord!"  It does sound spiritual, doesn't it?  

Then, whenever He speaks or I think He speaks, I move on... often without Him.  Going on to do His work because He NEEDS me and I CAN do it!  And, I jump in head first and do it...  because I'm just that spiritual.

Life isn't about being spiritual, it's about a day to day, minute by minute relationship with my Creator.  My life is supposed to be all about Him... giving Him the glory, giving Him the fame, letting Him use me when He wants me and waiting on His direction.

This week, while I have found myself waiting, I've also found myself resting.  It's been a beautiful thing.  Instead of fretting and worrying and looking desperately for the next thing to keep me busy, I've enjoyed sleeping, reading, coffee with friends and the quiet peace of waiting.

I think I'll try to learn to do this waiting thing minute by minute.  I'm learning it's not a punishment.  It is, instead, a gift.