I've had visions of grandeur all week... I thought I knew what today's post would hold. I was sure it would be great and would adequately articulate all that is in my heart today. I played around with a few word pictures in my mind... I tried out some sentence structure... I thought of photos to include. I was ready... or so I thought.
Fourteen years ago, an amazing thing happened... I became a mom. Well, actually on 2/4/97, I became a mom in name only. I've been becoming a mom ever since. The one who first called me Mommy has made me incredibly proud. At over 6' tall, he is now more man than cub. He's an amazing young man and just a few minutes ago, I reminded him, again, to remember Whose he is and how proud I am of him.
So... all week, I thought of clever ways to tell you about my amazing son. I practiced this post in my head. Like I said, I thought I knew what today was all about...
...until about 1:10 this morning... that would be the approximate time I was completely blindsided by the one who knows me best, loves me most and can still take my breath away.
In the wee hours of this morning, he offered me a gift... actually, not just a gift... he offered me something he valued because he values me more. The story goes like this...
... in our house Christmas money and birthday money are mad money. You get to spend your money on whatever you want... whenever you want... however you want. No rules, no explanations. In lieu of that, we both tend to be a little possessive of "my money". Usually, this is no problem and it's a great explanation when the box from Coldwater Creek or CBD comes in the mail... my answer "My Christmas money". Or, if there is an auction in town, I hear my man say"My Birthday money". Over the years, this system has worked great for us.
I've been struggling lately with feeling validated... of feeling that my opinion matters and that I can contribute intelligent ideas and thoughts to this family. I think some of it is that that incredible man cub that I described in the first couple paragraphs of this post argues with EVERY.THING. I say. It probably doesn't help that the 7 year old of this house also argues with EVERY.THING. I say. Contributing to this mindset of mine is the permacloud that has hovered over Northern Indiana since November. And, to top it off, the communication in this home has been less than stellar lately as well.
It never fails... you mix all of that together and it is a no-fail recipe for mother meltdown. Fortunately, last night's meltdown was not one of epic proportions but it was the ugly cry, nonetheless. Not pretty... not savvy... but definitely needed. Our marriage has weathered many of these mother meltdowns. Usually I vent... he holds me and lets me vent... and it's all good. Last night he raised the bar....
In the midst of this meltdown, I hear "I'm giving you my Christmas money. I want you to use it to buy a domain name for your Bible studies. You have written some incredible things and you want to share them. You've been looking for ways to make it easier for people to access them. I want you to buy a domain and set up a webpage. I believe in what you are doing."
Totally unexpected... totally amazing... totally blindsided!
...to which, my teary reply "I'd be really stupid to say "No" to you right now, wouldn't I?"